The Forgotten Yama
I sat in my room with tears in my eyes for the greater part of the day. I felt like everything was going wrong. It was not the way I thought it was going to be. I felt small and alone. Why did I feel like a failure? Betrayed? Insecure? Endless thoughts going through my mind.
Somewhere deep in my remembering, the question came up inside of me "what are you coveting?" What and who was I comparing myself with/too that left me sitting here feeling hugely sorry for myself? Woah! Tears stopped and I sat back to contemplate. I am only a failure if I compare myself to others. I am only alone if I forget the ever vast pure consciousness of God/Atman/Christ. Bam! I started to breathe.
Aparigraha asks us not to covet what others have. To not be greedy or jealous. But, I am not jealous. I am not greedy. I thought. Yet, the teachings started to bubble up inside of me. The suffering of that moment was all based on disappointment in outcomes and people. I had forgotten to trust in the Divine and be present. I had forgotten Aparigraha.
As I slowly re-entered the space of non-attachment, I was able to re-discover the brilliance and divinity within my own self. I was reminded to never look at someone else and do anything other than root for them and lift them up! I was reminded to stay present and just breath the beautiful air that surrounded me. To soak in the rays of the sun. To love and be loved.
Of all the Yamas, this fifth one often gets lost in the shuffle. When we consider the yamas (Yoga Sutras 2:30) ahimsa (non-violence), satya (not lying), asteya (not stealing), and brahmacharya (sexual impeccability) we often can get our head around these requests. It is aparigraha (not coveting) that throws us. Why?
Consider that when we look at something and say "I want that," whether or not we have the same ability, experience, physiology, knowledge or desire as the other person - that is greed based.
This is so hard for us to accept, because we live in a very driven and competitive culture. In fact, so much of our culture is about acquiring. We look at one’s education, job status, relationship and measure so many material things. We even consider where one was 'raised' and make comparisons.
As we move throughout the day, we often judge the world around us. We may find ourselves inspired (not jealous, of course) over someone else's stuff. So we go out and try to replicate. When we come up short, we are disappointed, sad, enraged, depressed and so on.
This is not sustainable. You can’t spend your whole life looking at others as a way to measure up. Social media has not helped. We are constantly asked to compare compare compare.
Just like those you might covet, there may be those who covet you and what you have. The cycle of jealousy is infinite unless you choose to step into your grace and step beyond it.
When you start to feel that jealousy bubbling up, remind yourself “aparigraha, aparigraha”, then shift to gratitude. Stop for a moment and recognize something you do have that is amazing or something that could use some work.
Celebrate the other person and what they have…and when you can merge with their excitement, that’s yoga, that’s union, that’s one-ness.
Celebrate that you are exactly who you are meant to be.
Celebrate life.
Think of the body and all the parts that make you function. Would you ever expect your thumb to take the job of your heartbeat? No! So celebrate that YOU have your own unique part in this world. Relax into that knowing.
Practicing aparigraha helps us better discover the brilliance and divinity within our own selves so that we would never look at someone else and do anything other than root for them.
There’s enough room for all of us to play in the ever-expanding sandbox of the universe.
No one really gets in our way; in fact, others’ successes can instill confidence within us that we too can succeed.
No one is truly competing with us; others’ triumphs can point the way to the magnificence that is available to all of us.
When you rely on your own abundance and creativity, you can bloom and blossom and flourish without comparing yourself to anyone else. Even if you work side-by-side with someone and you both have the same exact title and compensation, what’s to compare?
You’re on your path; they’re on theirs.
Now let's celebrate.
This article was written by Liz Glover Wilson with inspirations from an ekhart yoga article.